Usually I write with a flair of timelessness. Not so set in stone with a certain day or season in mind. However it really does help to hear specifics, get ideas and how to see those ideas through. And how to keep the right perspective.

As I write this, I have been married 14 years. Every year has been a good one because every year God was faithful. Love covered a multitude of sins, faith that was weak was built strong, gut wrenching situations were times we feasted on the grace of God –  daring ourselves to see things eternally. Times when I was weak, my husband was strong and vice versa. God gave us just enough to fill the gaps and holes when the struggles were thick. But every year has been good because God was always the center of our marriage. Yes, I would lapse into moments thinking I was the center of our marriage – then I would repent.. which if you don’t know me, is a daily thing 🙂 … reckoning that old lady dead (but that is for another blog, another day).

Valentines Day… So how does one celebrate when one’s pockets are empty?

Probably a lot of ways. But I will share, as a wife, what I have done. We have had times of plenty and times of little. But I have always been cared for by my husband. I have never felt unloved as I have fallen asleep at night. For that I thank you (Aaron), and I thank God who continues to work in you both to will and to do His good pleasure. You love me well.

I read a book once about preparing to be a helpmeet. As I read it, I challenged myself to think of some ‘firsts’ that are still to come. One thing that came to mind, was feet washing. Of all the back and foot rubs I have given, this was something I hadn’t done. So I purposed in my heart to do it. On a day when he was tired and beat. I filled the biggest bowl I had and dropped my fancy oil in, and sat down on the floor telling him all about the book and how I prayed for some ideas of new ways to enjoy each other. He was pretty taken back, not expecting it. But he was blessed!

One year, I wrote him a poem. (See, I like writing). I am proud of that poem. It’s a good one. I printed it and put it in a frame for Valentine’s day. He kept it on his dresser.

MANY times, if we can’t get away, I feed the kids early and let them watch a show in their room so we can have a quiet and nice meal together. Candles, music, a favorite meal, mushy cards or hilarious ones… time well spent.

Things like cleaning his truck, replacing his work gloves, stocking him with music he enjoys, making the home a peaceful place for him, hang out at his favorite spot on the river, get out the old home videos – pull up the couch with some popcorn and watch your life again, be lovers again… these things are little things but can mean a lot!

I love the verse in Proverbs that says, “Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a fatted calf with hatred.”

As a wife, I have clung to that verse at times. Not because we could never have the fatted calf, but because the fatted calf wasn’t the point. Because “He who is of a merry heart has a continual feast”. – We can get so sidetracked by our performances and displays of how we are living and what we get to do, that we lose the discipline to love when no one is watching, and rejoice when we have very little. Our society is addicted to recognition and it has left many in the wake thankless and bitter. As wives, we are losing our touch of setting a table with grace and adorning it with love and gratitude. We have lost our nerve to count our blessings while our wounds are still be healing.

This brings me to my final thought.

The best thing about celebrating Valentine’s day when you’re out of money is remembering you didn’t waste the whole year not celebrating. For us, Valentine’s day and even our anniversary are only as sweet as every day in between. Have we forgiven each other? Have we been praying for them? Have we laid down our lives for them in the smallest of moments to the biggest decisions?

This isn’t a call to perfection. This is a call to redemption. This is a wake up call. And don’t let the world lie to you and you believe it, by thinking the only way you’ll really feel loved is if you get that $100 bouquet so you can post it on Instagram for others to see. Or go to that restaurant looking fancy all the while you stressed your man out about how to ‘make you happy’. We can be better than that. We can love bigger than that, can’t we?

Women of the Church, Are we married to the world or to him?

Remember. Remember the goodness of God when your goodness (and his) runs out. Remember love covers a multitude of sins and being in love is greater than how the world defines it. God’s kind of love for marriages can feel tough but can stand the test of time, it’s selfless but gives you joy, it’s quiet at times but makes a loud statement, His love hopes all things, and it might even make you poor but you will be rich in Christ.